2017 & me

Well, well, well…

Here comes the b…

hahaha still no marriage, but my uterus is in full effect. I am still with my boyfriend and we are expecting baby boy in May.

I’m not sure I want marriage, but I’m enjoying what’s going on. This second kid was not planned at all and I have been anti-2nd kid, but couldn’t fathom aborting. Been there done that even got a t-shirt.

I swear my life will never end up how I want it so now it’s just time to go with the flow.

I’ll update you all in more detail later

(Mother) Mary Joseph


It’s been a long time


, ,

Guess who’s back? Back at blogging?

I don’t have anything I want to divulge, yet. Let’s see how long this post will be.

I have a 1 year old. I can’t believe that time is flying. Next thing you know I’ll be 30. I’ve experienced so many things in such a short amount of time.


Mr. Moment is still a lame ass douchebag who has syphillis. Ask me how I know? He told me! How fucking gross!! I really don’t wish him best or luck. I hope his girlfriend dumps his ass and he never has a happy life.. My fantasies about him have died. On a more positive note, my boyfriend (who is my daughter’s dad) is really trying! I’m very happy about that except… we aren’t having sexual relations. I’m not in the mood, he’s not in the mood, and neither of us are cheating. I use to be very sexual pre-baby, now I’m doa. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t know what to do to change it either. Aside from that the relationship is ok.  We may get married, we may not. We still have to learn each other as individuals and parents.

I start my fall semester next week!!! I Yi Yi Yi Yi

My daughter will have a college educated mother so BOOYA! When I complete these years and walk across that stage it will be the proudest day of my life. It took a child in order for me to get this shit straight. Shout out to kids changing lives!!

I don’t have much more to share. Well, actually I do. I just don’t have enough free time right now to spill all the tea. Gotta rock this toddler to sleep for nap time.


(Mother) Mary Joseph Jr

Still a bachelorette…. but a few things have changed


, , , , , , ,

It’s been over a year since I’ve even read let alone posted something here. I even started a new blog, but had no follow through.  So let me just give a quick update:

Employed with a company for about 1.5 years now. Still not in my desired field, but thankful for the opportunity.

Currently trying to write my Personal Statement for a few Univiersities. Truthfully it’s the reason I came here to seek some inspiration.

Depending on the day you ask me. I’m either deeply in love or over powered with a strong dislike.

I am a mother now. BOOM!

now to the juicy part…..

My life has been pushed, pulled, tangled and twisted over the past few years. The best part of everything is my daughter. I’m not married, so I am still a bachelorette. Ya know my life wouldn’t be complete without issues in the love department.

I just recently started talking back to Mr. Moment. (He’s not her father btw.) We had a really bad falling out. I chose not to speak with him anymore. I hated him. I invested my energy into that man. I gave all I could. I told myself I wouldn’t give my all to anyone else. I couldn’t divulge my secrets with another man. I couldn’t be the chef, chauffer, sex vixen to another. I was only going to give 50% if that.

Then I met someone. Everything moved quickly from the pregnancy to us living together. I wanted to give him what the wrong person had. I did. I loved. I coooked. I cleaned. I tried. Somehow along the way everything got blurry. Once upon a time I saw myself marrying him. Then I didn’t. I stopped doing the things I once did. I stopped caring.

I reached out to Mr. Moment to release the anger I carried. I thought if I forgave him I could move forward with my own relationship.  I needed to clear my mind of him to refocus my energy on my current relationship. He was the one I was suppose to share these experiences with and I didn’t. I just wanted peace and maybe I could get some insight on what I should be doing.

I knew he was with her. She was the reason we weren’t together. He knew nothing about me. I shared my life. He congratulated me and I thanked him. One conversatio lead to daily conversations. We caught up on each others lives. We still felt the same way we once did many moons ago. We both have significant others. We both have come to an unhappy point in our seperate relationships. Hopefully we can help each other.

He knows how I feel. I know how he feels. I have to go my way and he must go his. If circumstances don’t change… nevermind.

My focus is my child and our happiness. I’ve never felt love like how I do with her. She is my reason. I don’t want to deny my child the chance at growing up in a two parent hosuehold. However, if her father and I don’t work out I may continue my quest for love. At 28 and a mother I have a new perspective on life: You should be happy by any means necessary. Dark days come, but don’t stay there. Life is too short for bullshit. Just a few of the new gems I live by.

(Mother) Mary Joseph Jr.
hahha that name still tickles me

In 72 hours…


, , , , ,

After quitting my job 3 weeks ago I finally got the call I wanted. I was so happy to hear Rebecca offer me this job. This job is a career move, salary with benefits. I knew I had it though. I took a leap of faith many people wouldn’t dare take without causing an uproar. I kept my head held high and stood behind my action. I chose quit. I chose to move ahead. I never applied for a job beneath me. Once I quit I told myself I can’t move laterally and when my next job comes it will be a career move. I accomplished both goals in less than a month.

My stepping stone was Refuge. I am thankful for working at Refuge and the experience it gave me. I am now able to decipher the differences between a professional non profit work environment and an amateur non profit.

I’m so happy. *cue “Happy” by Pharrell Williams* I wake up smiling. I go to sleep smiling. I want to share my positive energy with everyone around me. Everything is aligning in my favor. I’m blessed. I’ve been down in the dumps for too long. I know the “struggle is real”. I refuse to be a part of that struggle anymore.

I’m soooooo good =)

You thought I was playing?! (job chronicles)


, , , , ,

Guess who has two thumbs and no job? Yeaah this girl. I quit my job almost two weeks ago. Say What? Yeah I told them I quit and haven’t looked back since. And because everyone is asking the same questions I thought I’d post them here and refer everyone to my blog.




“How are you going to pay your bills?” DON’T WORRY ABOUT MY FINANCES.

“Wait you’re kidding right? You’re just on vacation” YEAH A MENTAL VACATION.


“What are you going to do now?” YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

I was working at a place that was making me go insane. I had to speak to a therapist on a few occasions because of the stress and shenanigans. I’m so happy to be “free”. I know its a difficult time to be unemployed, but I swear I’d do it again. I just can’t work for a place that has no growth or potential to do better. That place was an ethical nightmare and if you don’t believer me check this link out.

And with that I’m out.

I can’t delete

I can’t delete the images of today.

Today might’ve been the most emotionally draining day at work ever. I watched a 16 year old girl with severe depression slice her arm and bleed like a faucet. I’ve never witnessed anything like this. I still don’t know how to interpret my emotions. I’ve been fighting tears since 3pm. I went to drink my pain away hoping that coping mechanism would help. It didn’t. She triggered me. She made me recall my mother’s last hours in the hospital. I was helpless then and helpless now.

I absolutely hate going to bed with this still fresh on my brain. I’m drained. I’m weak. I can’t even finish this blog how I wanted to. Just know you never know anyone else’s struggles. I’m glad this girl didn’t take her life.


Goodnight Ms. Chocolate


, , , , , , ,

The latest contestant on “Who wants to date this girl?” is losing. Unfortunately, this guy really has his shit together. He’s a teacher, pledged Sigma, owns a car, and lives in a highly respected area. What could be so wrong with him? Well, let me tell you!

In the several conversations we’ve had I have learned the following about this fella:
1. He’s a narcissist.
2. He gives out too many back handed compliments. i.e. You must be smiling when you think about me because your smile is too beautiful to waste on someone else.
3. Because he’s a narcissist he won’t let me get a word in edge wise. WTF?!? This lady likes to talk too!!
4. He has an air about him that is superficial.
5. Every point I made led back to him being narcissistic.
Out of all those 5 things he does the worst is that he calls me Ms. Chocolate.

I really can’t stand a guy who creates a nickname out of my skin tone. I already have the stigma of being a black woman of darker complexion. Every chance you get you want to call me Ms. Chocolate. Get THE ENTIRE FUCK OUT OF HERE! It’s not that you don’t remember my name, you have said it. It’s not that I haven’t told you to please call me by my name because I have. You have continuously chosen not to, therefore I am done with that ass!

Back to the drawing board I go. Option B is still on the table, and I have to keep that in mind. For some strange reason I thought incorporating a new guy to the dating circus of a love life I have would be great. However, its just another name I have to remember, story I have to recall, and number I’ll eventually delete.

Please don’t associate me with a cocoa bean!
Mary Joseph Jr.

The Dating Game: Halitosis and That Good Ole D


, , , , ,

In the dating world a weekend can be a huge game changer. This weekend was full of men and mayhem and I enjoyed every minute of it!

So, Option B must stand for bad breath. I invited him out to a friend’s birthday shindig. BAD MOVE!! OMG he must’ve eaten the ovaries of a dead alley cat. He spoke and my nose closed. I’ve never smelled a scent so rancid. I couldn’t even continue to talk or sit next to him. Not only was his breath on shit mode he also sat in a daze the whole night. I don’t like a man who can’t socialize when we’re out and about. That’s a big turn off. The first time he met my friends I expected him to be a little reserved; but damn it he’s met them several times Friday was the night to OPEN up! And he didn’t -__- I was so irritated that I faked being drunk in order to get away from him. I know he’s “that guy” on paper, but in reality he’s not going to complete me.

Then here comes Saturday. Option A hits me up which I knew he would. He invited me over for dinner and I brought movies. We laughed, we ate, we watched movies, he went to sleep, and I walked towards the door. Somehow this foolio heard me walking to the door, woke up, and asked if I was staying over. 😉 ha I guess a girl can’t let THAT good ole D go just quite yet. lolol This guy, option A umm.. He uh I uh.. We ain’t shit. We have a solid friendship built over the course of 6+ years. Will it ever really be our time to make it last forever? I don’t know. I do know I had fun with the fella.

My dating life is full of shenanigans. At least my weekend wasn’t dull.

Mary Joseph Jr.

The Dating Game: Twice As Nice


, , , , , , ,

Here I can officially say I was dating two people simultaneously. YAY! Last night was so draining. So we had “the talk” again and by we I mean option A at 8pm and option B at 8:45pm. By the time I got off the phone with A I was holding back tears. When B called I was slinging snot. They had my head spinning.

A says “It’s just a hunch. I know what we could be and I know how we feel about each other. I love you but… I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be your drug” WTF?!?!?!?!?

I reply “Well if you love someone don’t you want to be with them?”

Then I start talking to myself on the phone with him.

“This motherf*(&&”
“Really? Why would you say that to me. That’s okay. I got a nice guy waiting on me”

That conversation hit me harder then a brick to the face.

45ish minutes later

B tells me ” I want to love you and cherish you. Everything you want I want to be that for you.””

I couldn’t even say anything. I sniffled. I hung up on him. I called him back. We talked until I went to sleep.

Can you guess which one was getting the cookie? Yeah NOT B. Not the nice guy. Fucking vagina never listens to me. Between the two of them I got fully satisfied. However, I know its getting time to settle down.

A doesn’t want it. So snip snip he’s cut off! As much as I’d rather be with him I know he isn’t worth it. B has been working hard this past autumn/winter. He’s been waiting patiently and dealing with my bullS***. He’s the type to marry a woman. WINNING!

The dating game is no joke. I’ve learned too much about men and possibly not enough about myself. I actually felt like a man st one point during this dating season. Picking, choosing, lying, and making sure the right one stayed in their place. Ha I’ve learned the game. I know what to say to the right person at the perfect time. How else could I balance two men without giving both of them the cookie? I would’ve been a mack if neither touched it, but damnit I got needs!

Let’s see where option B takes me this next month. If we don’t end up where I want to be then C, D, and E will come into play.

Mary Joseph Jr.

The Dating Game: Mentally Disoriented Women


, , , , , , , ,

Why won’t this woman accept love? Why doesn’t she feel she deserves it? Talking to Malik today he made it very clear that I am very “hot and cold”. Apparently I was very angry last night and asked him to stop communicating with me everyday and blah blah blah. Yeah I got pissed, but wrongfully directed my anger towards him.

Is my mind really not able to accept a Good man? He wants to support me during the holidays which I told him I hate. He wants to make me happy he said. I couldn’t even respond. All I kept thinking was he must be a nutcase to want to deal with me. For a very long time I thought the reason I could never move on was because Justin was my “one”. However, now I’m not so sure. The gestures Malik makes are incomparable to any other man I’ve ever dealt with. He seems genuine. Our dating reminds me so much of my mother and father. He’s the kind fella who wants to make this woman happy. I’m the bitchy kinda crazy guarded woman who wants to be happy.

Every other day I am confused about what I should do with him. Should I be talking to him so frequently? Should I see him more? Am I really ready to do that sort of thing? If I spend the night at his house will my panties come down? lol Should he have met my sister and close friend? FML The over-analyzing mentally disoriented dating woman. The questions never cease. The confusion only builds.

Dating is so hard. Dating is even harder when your mind plays the fuckaround game. My heart knows something my mind doesn’t want to accept.

mary joseph jr.