It’s been almost 2 months since my mom has died. Have I gotten use to the idea of being 24 without a mother? No. Have I gotten use to the idea of never seeing her again or hearing her voice again? No. Does one ever really get use to their mother being dead? I highly doubt it. A few people expect me to kick back into gear and get down to business. I can’t. I can’t allow myself to continue doing things the way I once was. Some people aren’t considerate enough to allow me time to get back to reality. Well, my new reality. I didn’t fall into a false reality when everything happened with my mom. I knew the moment she walked into the hospital she wasn’t coming back. I knew the moment she last acknowledged my presence would be the last time she would know who I am. My mother is gone. She’ll never see me get married or have children. She’ll never see me accomplish anything. All I want to do is move far away from this place I once called home. My father doesn’t make sense to me right now. I can’t look him in his eyes. I can’t converse with him. He’s short with me so i just don’t speak. I’d rather not deal with him and his shit. Right now I’m trying to get back in school. I know exactly what I want to do. I know how I can achieve that. I will achieve this. I have no more options. Everything I once knew is a blur. I need to get my life right. Now is the time. There is no place to go, but up from here.
mary joseph jr.