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doubt
(noun) – A feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction
(verb) – feel uncertain about.

i’m starting to doubt myself. FAWWWK (fuck) I have come too far to have this moment of doubt. something isn’t clicking. the functionality of my happiness and reality are out of sync. did that make sense? i can’t function happily in the real world. i have moments of happiness that can’t be taken away from me, then i begin to question and nitpick. although it feels like i’m on the verge of greatness. i’m so close to winning, yet i’ll doubt myself and fail. what the hell am i doing battling myself like this? logical mind vs illogical mind. love of self vs self hatred. why continue this? after all i’ve overcome this year why now? do i secretly want to be depressed and seek dysfunction? i really don’t know. i’m uncertain. have you ever had a conversation with yourself and you were able to persuade yourself to do the exact opposite of what you needed to do? you broke your own self down WTF?!?! if you can tear yourself up then that allows anyone to right? my mind is going through some serious changes. i hope its just some inner demons getting broken down and spewed out of me. doubt when will you leave me? confidence, faith, belief, trust, please re-enter my life. God give me strength. Mom show me the way. I don’t want to stray to far away because of my lack of confidence. let this time last only for a second. let tomorrow bring me a new outlook. let tonight broaden my horizons. allow me to focus my energy on the positive. allow my heart, mind, spirit, body rest. i just want to shut down. before i end this post i just heard this bomb quote on tv “don’t let fear stop you from walking into your destiny”- BernNadette Stanis. wow that might’ve been what i needed.

mary joseph jr.

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