I woke up hearing two songs play in my head, Wreckless Love by Alicia Keys and Nobody’s Business by Rihanna and Chris Brown. I have been on some type of emotional ride lately. In one corner I have the an who is indecisive about my role in his life in the other corner I have a guy who is starting to deeply like me. Oh and in a third corner I have random guys I have befriended, but don’t see anything sparking between us.

The man who is indecisive about my role will probably never choose me. He will always have some excuse as to why he can’t get it together. I told him yesterday that he needs to make a decision because I’m tired of doing it. I want someone to want me how I want them. I just don’t have time to play those fucking games anymore.

To the fella who is developing feelings. -__- I don’t feel the same. I know its because I’ve put my emotions into the other guy. So yeah there goes that. On paper he would be THAT guy, but the attraction on my end doesn’t exist. I could probably grow to like him. I could probably fall hard for him. I guess I just don’t want to. I can’t even type anything else about this situation.

What I want is the mate who will become my husband and father to my children. What I need is my own family. After a year of dealing with my immediate family I’ve come to realize I’m ready to start my own. I’m ready to dedicate myself to someone. I’m ready to raise a little person.

mary joseph jr