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Why won’t this woman accept love? Why doesn’t she feel she deserves it? Talking to Malik today he made it very clear that I am very “hot and cold”. Apparently I was very angry last night and asked him to stop communicating with me everyday and blah blah blah. Yeah I got pissed, but wrongfully directed my anger towards him.

Is my mind really not able to accept a Good man? He wants to support me during the holidays which I told him I hate. He wants to make me happy he said. I couldn’t even respond. All I kept thinking was he must be a nutcase to want to deal with me. For a very long time I thought the reason I could never move on was because Justin was my “one”. However, now I’m not so sure. The gestures Malik makes are incomparable to any other man I’ve ever dealt with. He seems genuine. Our dating reminds me so much of my mother and father. He’s the kind fella who wants to make this woman happy. I’m the bitchy kinda crazy guarded woman who wants to be happy.

Every other day I am confused about what I should do with him. Should I be talking to him so frequently? Should I see him more? Am I really ready to do that sort of thing? If I spend the night at his house will my panties come down? lol Should he have met my sister and close friend? FML The over-analyzing mentally disoriented dating woman. The questions never cease. The confusion only builds.

Dating is so hard. Dating is even harder when your mind plays the fuckaround game. My heart knows something my mind doesn’t want to accept.

mary joseph jr.